Dress This...

Some parents are negligent,
they don't mean to be. It might have something to do
with their own immaturity.
Is it no wonder
you'd be reduced to funky ribbons and tennies?
Thus begins a life
of dressing to please,
rebelling against parents and all authorities.

With great strides to attract a little sugar or spice
we go to some length to posture our lives,
modeling positions of naughty or nice...
Never once thinking how we give ourselves away.
We get forced on a mark
with no room to stray.
Please make a note of it!
What it does to your esteem,
if you can't move or stay together
long enough to keep it "clean"!

Dream This

Sometimes I dream this

never surprised at the characters I meet
who are also dreaming this.
Just be careful
if you get too close to this state.
The public loves to declare
you have disappeared, need medication or
there is a problem with addiction;
never truly guessing you might have done it to yourself
on purpose.

Instead, someone is called in to write a report or documentary,
making you look like more of a study.
Since no one ever truly listened
I suppose this is why we turn to dreaming.
Dreaming is a way to listen to yourself.
It's a "safe" way to contemplate doing-away with yourself.
I sometimes dream I am hanging myself
or throwing myself into traffic.
The more violent dreams you know, I've outgrown and put aside
(I am talking about the dreams of letting-blood).
Yes, you can outgrow these things!
Yet I'm amazed I made it this far!
The challenge is to keep my mind and my eyes open.
I was lucky to have teachers who taught me how
using the arts, painting, writing, poetry and music
are ways to give myself an excuse from violent ends.
But I worry about the girls who are missing,
some too young to know what happened,
they become victims of another's sordid dreams,
simply I'm sure, because nobody bothered to listen.

Swim in This...

Swim in This...
It's bad enough
I've had people kicking my ass all my life;
I would have to pick up where they leave off.
I would start kicking my own ass, you know,
24/7?
as I swim in this.

I sometimes forget
I should be more compassionate
especially for myself,
feel less sorry
for myself,
let go of the need to control.
I'm not perfect! Sometimes I'm wrong!
When you've spent your entire life in chaos
you find yourself having a helluva time
making decisions, standing up for yourself,
saying no... especially if you're afraid.
It's harder but easier to just keep kicking!
It's like a kind of traumatic-shock-syndrome.
It makes you dizzy with no orientation -
you just keep swimming 'round and around,
kicking your own ass
where others left off.
Some people learn to float.
Some are hangers-on and will take you down
using you to rest their hydrogenated fats on...
You are a buoy for their own lack of resistance.
Do you see so many people eking out that existence?
Going home alone every night?
Never being held, touched, caressed or hugged, even in marriage?
It is like they lost something.
So I find myself being single, doing the best I can, dammit!
At least I keep my head
above water!

Ponder This

Ponder this:
why must you take things so personally?
If you love me
will I, should I,
always do what you want?

I want to ask you, I would ask you,
if I didn't understand.
I would want you to be able to do the same.
We both know, just between you and I?
It's all madness.
So if I go away?
I would like to come back to myself,
do my own activities...
I would be grateful to you
and like myself more. Then?
I would like to come back to YOU -
knowing I am someone
you love and care about.

Out-Grow This

Out-grow this: why set yourself up to be chattel? Hunting white rabbits,
girls and boys, letting yourselves be conned
by cunning mothers, and fool-hearty men?
It's not the way to grow or survive. It's a presumption
that once you are out of the house experience helps you grow;
that's a lazy way to raise a child.
Experience only shows, everyone is performing.
Inside, they hate themselves, knowing they are capable of better, higher.
It is better to chase knowledge, information and books. Be wise.
It's higher to nurture your soul with the histories of time. Be fore-armed.
It's better and higher, to lift your own spirit through nature
than be locked-up indoors. Be stronger than this.

Realize This

I've got a big secret to tell you. You remember this horrible nightmare...? Some called it a fairy-tale? (They called it a fairy-tale, but for us, remember, it was real.)

That was their way of minimizing you. They wanted to stay in their denial. So it was easier to tell you your shamanic trances, your otherworldly journeys into yourself weren't real. They will always urge you, that you must keep running to get to something more real.

Realize this: you can't keep running.

It's part of a people-pleasing game.

They say you MUST keep running!
You are not allowed to be anything but afraid.
What would happen if you stopped being afraid?

(You just might run into something interesting.)

If you were to stop, you might disappear!!
You have to be in-touch with yourself,
have the courage enough
to know yourself inside and out,
good, bad, and ugly.

(Then, when you stop? You Will Still Be Here!)