Freedom Is to Be Fully and Authentically You

Freedom means being free of people-pleasing, in order to avoid the temptation of being anything less but fully and authentically YOU.

Transcendence.... Is Never About Running Away.

The Curse

The Curse

Once Upon a Time...
Young girls were told
all they have to do is fall asleep,
waiting in bait
for the handsome prince to come,
to wake us from
some unknown mysterious curse.

We weren't told
Waking Up is never easy...
No Prince can provide that service.

No Prince can resolve an evolution
in this fine-tuned creation called "me".

Personalities Don't Love, They Want Something - by Byron Katie

Personalities don't love, they want something. "If you love me, you'll do what I want" - Is It True? In any case, if you do your best to figure out all the rules and obey them, do you get my love? No. You get to tip-toe around me, so that you can minimize my anger and continue the relationship. Love seems to have disappeared. Where did it go? You can find out by questioning the thought "If you love me, you'll do what I want."


This is a thought most people have believed for as long as they can remember. The child expects his playmate to play the games he wants to play. If not, there's a big fight, and they both stomp off to find an adult to complain to. "He's not my friend anymore!" The belief that a friend is someone who will do what you want is already fully active in the child. He learned it from his parents, who told him they loved him and rewarded him with praise when he obeyed them, and punished him when he didn't. His parents never questioned the thought that obedience is an expression of love, so why should he?
- Byron Katie "I Need Your Love - Is That True?"

Why Take a Vow of Silence?

I am taking a vow of silence today, for the second time in my life. For me it is all about trust, establishing the heart connections I need in my life to keep my integrity intact. If someone cannot meet me here, then we will simply have to meet in spirit, however that works.

The first time I ever took a vow of silence many years ago (1993) on the job. There was a lot of tyranny going on in the workplace that was dividing and oppressing people. Since I was in a central position (the receptionist for the institution!) I informed everyone I’d be taking a vow of silence. I let them know I would be mirroring their oppression right back at them… Until we got some procedures in place to give people a voice.

It took about 3 days to let everyone know (with notes) I was taking this vow. Of course they all laughed. As I was working the front phones and the desk, I still had to do my job, but only spoke as it was necessary. People stopped by my desk, trying to provoke me into conversation. Each person presumed they were an exception. I would just look at them. After 14 days (which was a strain, and extremely difficult for everyone) people were irate. It was difficult, because it seemed somehow I was adding to their suffering.

Looking back, I now know I was just mirroring and reflecting their “stuff”. I was no longer participating in the game of searching for approval, or people-pleasing. I saw into their lack of courage to speak up for themselves; to take a stand in who they are. To stop being superficial, self-absorbed, narcissistic. To quit returning to their words like a puppy returns to its own vomit.

It was just a matter of days before they were all complaining. They eventually went to the management to make it stop. There was really nothing management could do. Eventually they called a meeting, and gave everyone a voice.

There are a lot of people out there who are in pain, and who aren’t dealing with it. They just go on to treat situations and other people as being “disposable”. I am sorry for the younger generations… Because I know you all feel this more acutely in your lives. Now it’s just exaggerated to extremes via our technology – the internet, texting, facebook, etc.

Let people clearly know about your vow. (This may take a few days.) You may also invite people to leave messages for you, but inform them you will not be responding until you are able to FEEL the investment on your commitment to keep silence until the energy is balanced. Divest yourself of the technology; boycott it, if necessary. Stop pouring your money and resources into dead-ends.

We all need something more in our lives… Some of the Buddhist values a vow of silence is going to teach you: more patience, more compassion; deeper connections in person, and at the level of the heart. And until I start feeling that, I’m kicking in with a new vow of silence, today. It may be the only way to gain someone’s trust, when they are too busy, you know, acting-out as a human-doing...? And not a human being.

The Business of This

Much of the business ado
might have nothing to do
with a "lack" inside you;
but a belief that is setting you up,
feeling desperate and needy
and worked by the grasping
of those wanting and greedy.

Confused by an order
or ticking away
of anything paid by the buck,
is it ironic how letting-go
helps us to keep on, to stay...?
Then the forces do bring us our luck.

What must you check -
when it's ALL a fake
card-pack?

In the way of a child,
Just have compassion;
don't be hard on your body
don't give-in to depression.
Make your time worth your while...
Keep your face to Love's Light;
lift the wings of your spirit
from meaningless fight.

for
Ruslana Korshunova
July 2, 1987 - June 28, 2008
May you and all child-spirits like you find your way in the Love-Light of God.

Steal This

Rare is the person
who never professes
to be more than what they are.
Instead we get gussied-up in our dresses,
scouting about for a door...
Or a rung
to hang our star...
Full of pretense and airs,
confused from the start,
unable
to humble our mind;
discombobbled regarding - who stole tarts?!
Never able
or willing to find...
Lying and dying
for what we "believe" in
betraying the core of our hearts...
Is this how we overcompensate?
Making judgments, conditions,
projecting our hate?
If we could stand back
and defy the resonance -
or change the flow of
our ongoing nonsense...
Would it help get us off
that victim-fence?

Will You Won't You This?

How do your friends come about -
by introduction or at random?
Would you dare to want to hang out
with a Mock Turtle or a Gryphon?
Isn't it strange
what makes a good time
is not always great in the long-run?
In fact, ever notice
how often it feels you're really not
having much fun?
When there's no respect
between you or me
it can affect
our integrity.
Friends
shape our hopes
and affect our dreams...
Others can take us
apart at the seams.
So, why force it
why coerce it
if there's no freedom in dance?
With every friendship we stand
that chance.
Just remember
if you enjoy being one
who does your own thing,
then do your own thing
'Til your interest is done!

Head-Off This!

Are you really happy or
does it matter all the same?
If your head's not in the right place
then who wants to know your name?
You can be full of info
you might be full of gripes!
There could be people talking
behind your back, the snipes.
So what, if cracks aren't funny
and those around you say you're old?
If your head's not in the right place
then all you value will be sold.
It doesn't matter what the King says
if the Queen can't hold her ground.
If your head's not in the right place
let's hope it's lost and found.

Game This

Tell them what they want to hear,
not what you think they should know...
Always act as if you care -
even if you wish to go.
Take interest in what they say,
and not in what they do.
Always wear the last fashion
with the best accessory and shoe.
Smoke with the those who smoke,
and drink with those who drink;
always laugh and smile, never letting on
you might be one who thinks.
Copy every friend you have
then tell them they are better.
Listen to whom they criticize
mimicking them to the letter.
Always ask and kow-tow,
offer presents, candy - a snack.
Then be sad and sorry
if there's anything you lack.
Cultivate your tantrum,
making sure they know your name;
this is the most consistent way
to go about this game!
You're the only one aware
if you can't keep your word,
no use pretending this is fair,
in fact, it's all absurd!
Just laugh and sing and dance a lot
- and never show your anger!
It's the best of ways to hold your spot
when the Queen gives you the finger!

Queen of This

No need to sulk,
lay on your face
or give the ground a kiss!
I'll be all over the royal place -
coz I'm the Queen of This!

No need to play dead -
you won't soon have a head!
My only concern is
what about ME?
And yes, I have heard -
but it's ultimately my word!
And only my word that will be!

Now pick up your ass
before I harass
with demands that you cannot sort!
I say - Off With Your Head!
and - Off With His Head!
Coz I am the Queen of this Court!!

Painting This...

http://www/JohannaWorthBlogspot.Com

Painting This...

I paint around my innocence
so there won't be a random judge;
it takes some work on your part
to get into
my nucleus.

I'm sorry about my secret;
I live in shame and loss
of self-respect.
How terrible, and unforgiving!
I cannot give my gift.
One can't be free
if one is hiding,
one just exists
in wasting time.
I did my best
to cover this!
Being lovely
was my crime.

So you may cut me off -
if you wish, then call it dead.
I only did my best
but it was never right, this head.
One can't be free
if one is hiding,
one just exists
in wasting time.
I did my best
to cover this!
Being lovely
was my crime.

Twinkle This

Welcome, welcome
to this party!
Welcome here
to this Mad Tea!
Bring with you
a drink, a poem
or ditty
or three!

"'Twinkle this...'
it's what he said,
pointing my gaze
as he molested.
His ignorant fingers
crept towards
my face."

"My mother banned me
from a place
I could not search
myself in grace...
So I came here
for psychic tea,
convinced my name
did not own me."

"In discomfort
I strain to rest
with each encounter
jealousy, pest...
Hanging on to
grandma's flowers
in the last, my childhood hours -
when Easter chocolates
made us wretch."

"My heart IS pain
a constant ache,
my fate - to manage
without a break.
It rules me,
dictating who I am...
In this place, what I call
nightmare wonderland."

"I DO enjoy
your butterflies
and changing chairs,
shining surprise...
My life becoming quiet, fair,
without approval
LOVE is here.
I bop between the worlds and so,
it's like survival where
I must go.
From moment to moment -
from here to there -
like all mad riddlers
I shed my care."

There are many people out there living with disabilities. People can be born with them, or acquire them in time; or they may have hereditary conditions that become something more. There are also many people who love to attribute all kinds of magickal characteristics to someone with a disability. In this way, the disabled are led to feel they are special, or can eventually refer to themselves as "shamans", having traveled through their "wounds".

What we don't see is how it is our condition sets us up for all kinds of scapegoating from the public. As we must work hard to integrate our dark-sides, we are often faced with the projections of others who cannot! It is not our responsibility to understand them, and it is not their responsibility to break us down in that way. This is where looking for approval can destroy the spirit of love. If we are people-pleasers, it is easy to lose the true essence of the gifts we have been given... For we exploit ourselves and others in the process, by establishing neediness and desperation as the ways to relate.

As we move into a time in America where we are bringing hundreds of injured soldiers home from war, society will have to be more realistic and compassionate in how we go about interacting with the disabled. Yes, it's true, we could have been great actors, great performers, musicians, painters, and writers, etcetera. There is only one problem: it is difficult to manage your life when you have a disability. Disability will often reduce one into becoming a liar, a thief, a con artist and a beggar. We live in a world of survival of the fittest, where weakness of any sort is looked down on. It's in this way disability begins to take over our lives and makes things unmanageable. It's in this way we are challenged to conduct ourselves with integrity.

Grin for This

All your thoughts
will bring to you
exactly what you need,
everything to fit right up
in your proverbial tree.
It can be as simple as
one and two and three...
Just make up your mind,
and you too can be
a happy little kit-ty.

Kisses and loves
always make us glad
even if those we meet
are flipping-mad.
Just give it a vacation break,
smile for awhile, or try to be someone
who shares more than you take.

Do the best you can, so openly:
it's how we learn to trust -
with validation or a boundary,
or silence if we must!

You used to make me smile,
but years pass and fall away...
I hope you don't misunderstand
why I hide, invisibly?

Hang On To This

Have faith:

not everyone operates
in self-interest.
Sometimes the grunting and groaning
is just gas.
Friends can find a natural revival
if unique persons meet
beyond the need for survival.
I'm talking about individuation
where there's a likelihood
of graduation
to all-new levels of growing...
Not just eating and eating
as if in the shadow of a piglet.
No break-ups where little pigs
become unhinged
running back to the house to binge.

Hang on to that quiet part of you that knows,
the eternal child...
And talk to her, where ever she goes.
Learn how to coax her from within,
help her to help put your heart
on a happier spin.

Note regarding the illustrations of Alice by John Tenniel: As I collected images on the web, I noticed some old-fashioned colorized drawings of Alice were different from the ones printed in the traditional "Alice in Wonderland" and "Looking Glass" books! As you can see, the pen and ink drawing for the black and white prints show a younger Alice. She is portrayed as a little girl, with large eyes and a fluffy, gamine dress, probably 8 or 9 years old. Colorized Alice was done for some sort of collection of Alice Nursery Rhymes, by Carroll. This Alice wears a pleated yellow frock with a giant blue ribbon in her hair, very much the style of the later part of the century; and she looks as if she could be as old as 12 or 13 years. This just goes to show what a couple of geniuses Carroll and Tenniel were...! For perhaps it was their secret way of showing how, like them, we can all time-travel to Wonderland at any age?

Sit On This

What would happen
if you stopped burning and blowing smoke?
Became less
of a worker-bee/performer,
a what-if-thinkin' pepper-shaker?
Must you always be outstanding,
killing yourself by their demanding?
Barely maiming everyone near you...
Getting through the work you do.

You might have more focus
If you stopped allowing another
to set the tone, like some
over-stuffed controlling mother.
Don't hang-in there for the soup
if getting out
is the best re-coup!
Just remember:
All invitations come a-knocking,
invading your brain, when you're not looking.

Their lives, consumed,
a not-so-private chaos,
their unmanageable air,
so filled, and so innocuous,
leaves you sitting there,
the speechless guest in an uneasy chair.
Reduced to crouching like some crazy, wild cat
which knows chaos
is where it's at...
They bring it with them and it never slows!
Whatever they do it just comes and goes -
24/7 - it comes and it goes!

Dignify This; for David O'Kane, 4 June, 2008

David O'Kane, Self Portrait (as Lewis Carroll), digital photograph, 2004
printed by permission
http://www.davidokane.com/photography.html

Dignify this,
how a man would resort to machine
to assemble/express his Victorian dream...
For which there was no compromise -
Demanding contemporaries
avert their eyes.
When this is left - the life-lorn photograph -
Obscuring one heart
from his passionate path
of absolved reminiscences -
fixing instead, a loving, child-mind
far, far ahead of his time...
So that we, the children
could look back in space
and know the humanity there
in his face;
where we learn to perhaps
break down such walls
that harden inside us,
steadfast, and old.

for David O'Kane, 4 June, 2008

Nibble This

My challenge is to take my pleasures
in the simplest things
without imbibing
what knocks me unconscious.
There was a time in life
when being unconscious was "hip";
thus I deserted friends
who couldn't "get with it".
Still, I had my fill of cons,
jokesters and fakers.
In many ways I paid for life
by being a heart-breaker.
Now I feed myself
with that which nurtures my soul,
having learned no one else
will comfort or keep me whole.
You see, they never understood
there was a little child inside.
She's what keeps me going
beyond tolerance and pride.

Chase This

Chase This

There is no logical order to this:
The only one responsible
for your own happiness
is you.
It would be nice if we could go through life
being validated for who we are;
we expect that from our parents,
look for it from our friends
and work for it with our colleagues.
Chase the inner-most elements of
your own self-respect
in spite of men, places and doctorates.
Let your heart be filled
with all things, people, and places
you love most.
Allow them to become your pathways
of study and celebration,
but never a means to end.

Find This

Find This

We have to learn how to deal
with the different levels of chaos in our lives,
starting with ourselves.
It's a challenge to move forward
with your own chaos following
where ever you go.
It happens.

And it's not possible to prioritize

without making some sacrifice;
it's a delicate process of finding
what might let us in
to that gorgeous secret garden
we all yearn for.

Dress This...

Some parents are negligent,
they don't mean to be. It might have something to do
with their own immaturity.
Is it no wonder
you'd be reduced to funky ribbons and tennies?
Thus begins a life
of dressing to please,
rebelling against parents and all authorities.

With great strides to attract a little sugar or spice
we go to some length to posture our lives,
modeling positions of naughty or nice...
Never once thinking how we give ourselves away.
We get forced on a mark
with no room to stray.
Please make a note of it!
What it does to your esteem,
if you can't move or stay together
long enough to keep it "clean"!