Personalities Don't Love, They Want Something - by Byron Katie

Personalities don't love, they want something. "If you love me, you'll do what I want" - Is It True? In any case, if you do your best to figure out all the rules and obey them, do you get my love? No. You get to tip-toe around me, so that you can minimize my anger and continue the relationship. Love seems to have disappeared. Where did it go? You can find out by questioning the thought "If you love me, you'll do what I want."


This is a thought most people have believed for as long as they can remember. The child expects his playmate to play the games he wants to play. If not, there's a big fight, and they both stomp off to find an adult to complain to. "He's not my friend anymore!" The belief that a friend is someone who will do what you want is already fully active in the child. He learned it from his parents, who told him they loved him and rewarded him with praise when he obeyed them, and punished him when he didn't. His parents never questioned the thought that obedience is an expression of love, so why should he?
- Byron Katie "I Need Your Love - Is That True?"