Monday, December 7, 2009

Heart of Carnelien

Sunrise at Alexandria

Heart of Carnelian
Mine is a heart of carnelian,
crimson as murder on a holy day.
Mine is a heart of cornel, the gnarled roots of a dogwood
and the bursting of flowers.

I am
the broken wax seal on my lover's letters.
I am
the red quartz in the deepest of mines.
I am
the phoenix, the fiery sun, consuming and resuming myself.

I pace the halls of the underworld.
I knock on the doors of death.
I wander into the fields to stare at the sun
and lie in the grass, ripe as a fig.
The souls of the gods are with me.
They hum like flies in my ears.
I am I. I will what I will.
Mine is heart of carnelian, blood red as the crest of a phoenix.

Egyptian Book of the Dead
Chapter 53

Translated by Normandi Ellis

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Ritual of Not Letting His Heart Be Carried Off

My heart, my mother. My heart, my mother. My heart of my becoming. My heart dreams in the house of hearts. My heart sleeps in the house of hearts. My heart ticks in my chest like a beetle. The night waits, still I hear its beating. It resonates like a bow string of an archer. It hums like the string of a lyre.

Love. Love. Give me love, sibilant love, thundering love!

It is myself that speaks to my heart, my ka, my double.

The heart leaps and answers to its name. It's words are the deeds of my body. It's deed have been my own thoughts, its blood the fluid of gods, river of joy and sadness. My heart leaps like a fish in water.

Do not carry off my heart. Do not cut me from my heart.

-The Egyptian Book of the Dead

Normandy Ellis, p.118

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Coming Forth by Day

Coming Forth by Day

Oh spirits

that guide a man through
the dark halls at death,
guide me safely in life
past sorrow and depression,
steer me from fear and anger
and hopelessness.
Let me always know the reason
for my becoming.

Let me hear what gods hear,

see what gods see.
When the sun is blotted from the sky,
let even a small light shine
to steer a man's feet.
Let me stand in light,
bathe in light, clothe myself in light.

Let me sit

in the lap of gods
and hear words of comfort.
Oh offerers
of cake and bearers of beer,
let me not starve for love,
or thirst for wisdom.

Let my spirit be stronger today
than it was yesterday,
my heart more gentle.
Let gods touch my face.
Let me go forth shining.
Let my feet know the way.
Let me walk and pass through fire.
Let wild beasts and thieves by the roadside
go on sleeping pleasant dreams.
Let me pass undeterred
into heaven.

Awaking Osiris
pg 62:2
Translation by Normandy Ellis
from the Egyptian Book of the Dead

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I am Love and Memory and Sorrow That Drift Away

I am Love and Memory and Sorrow that Drift Away

I am air and flame, water and dust.
I am a wick burning in a blue bowl of oil,
a fiery rising in a tranquil sky.
I am the phoenix. I am light.
I come forth by day. I am heat burning up in mist.
I am power, an ancient river overflowing.
I am love and memory and sorrow that drift away.
- The Egyptian Book of the Dead

Michael Jackson Burial; When Nature Wants a Man

When Nature wants a Man

When nature wants to drill a man
And thrill a man,
And skill a man,
When Nature wants to mould a man
To play the noblest part;
When she yearns with all her heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall praise - -

Watch her method, watch her ways!
How she ruthlessly perfects
Whom she royally elects;
How she hammers him and hurts him
And with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay
which only Nature understands--

While his tortured heart is crying
and he lifts beseeching hands!
How she bends, but never breaks,
When his good she undertakes...
How she uses whom she chooses
And with every purpose fuses him,
By every art induces him
To try his splendor out - -
Nature knows what she's about.

When Nature wants to take a man
And shake a man
And wake a man;
When Nature wants to make a man
To do the Future's will;

When she tries with all her skill
And she yearns with all her soul
To create him large and whole...
With what cunning she prepares him!

How she goads and never spares him,
How she whets him and she frets him
And in poverty begets him....
How she often disappoints
Whom she sacredly anoints,
With what wisdom she will hide him,
Never minding what betide him
Though his genius sob with slighting
and his pride may not forget!
Bids him struggle harder yet.
Makes him lonely
So that only
God's high messages shall reach him
So that she may surely teach him
What the Hierarchy planned.

Though he may not understand
Gives him passions to command--
How remorselessly she spurs him,
With terrific ardor stirs him
When she poignantly prefers him!

When Nature wants to name a man
And fame a man
And tame a man;
When Nature wants to shame a man

To do his heavenly best...

When she tries the highest test
That her reckoning may bring - -
When she wants a god or king! - -
How she reins him and restrains him
So his body scarce contains him
While she fires him
And inspires him!
Keeps him yearning, ever burning
for a tantalizing goal - -
Lures and lacerates his soul.
Sets a challenge for his spirit,
Draws it higher when he's near it - -
Makes a jungle, that he clear it;
Makes a desert, that he fears it
And subdue it if he can - -

So doth Nature make a man.

Then, to test his spirit's wrath
Hurls a mountain in his path--
Puts a bitter choice before him
And relentless stands o'er him.
"Climb, or perish!" so she says....
Watch her purpose, watch her ways!

Nature's plan is wondrous kind
Could we understand her mind...
Fools are they who call her blind.

When his feet are torn and bleeding
Yet his spirit mounts unheeding,
All his higher powers speeding
Blazing newer paths and fine;
When the force that is divine
Leaps to challenge every failure
and his ardor still is sweet
And love and hope are burning
in the presence of defeat...

Lo, the crisis! Lo, the shout
That must call the leader out.
When the people need salvation
Doth he come to lead the nation....
Then doth Nature show her plan
When the world has found - - a man!

- Angela Morgan

Michael Jackson, Addict, Got What He WantedDr. Kevorkian: Michael Jackson "Got What He Wanted"

Dr. Kevorkian: Michael Jackson "Got What He Wanted" September 3, 2009

Dr. Jack Kevorkian defended Michael Jackson's doctor Conrad Murray, who is the sole target of the investigation into the late pop star's death by injection.

On Wednesday the now-paroled Kevorkian, 81, told Neil Cavuto, "I don't think he was malicious. Murder is defined as miles of forethought... Did the doctor have forethought? I doubt it."

Murray says he injected Jackson with heavy sedatives including the anesthetic propofol at the singer's request.

"Maybe Jackson craved these things so much he pestered the doctor until he got it." Kevorkian added, "The patient got what he wanted. He is the one who said yes or no to take a drug."

Commentary: 'Michael Jackson was a drug addict'

* Story Highlights
* James Walker: Coroner's preliminary finding shows Jackson died of an overdose
* He says he's one of Jackson's many millions of fans
* He says it's painful to admit Jackson was addicted to drugs
* Walker: Let's stop avoiding the reality of drug addiction in our society

September 2, 2009 -- Updated 2053 GMT (0453 HKT)

By James L. Walker Jr.
Special to CNN

Editor's note: James L. Walker, Jr., author of the book, "This Business of Urban Music," is a sports and entertainment lawyer whose firm, Walker & Associates, is based in Stamford, Connecticut. James L. Walker Jr. says the evidence shows Michael Jackson was addicted to drugs.

James L. Walker Jr. says the evidence shows Michael Jackson was addicted to drugs.

(CNN) -- Michael Jackson died of an overdose, according to the preliminary finding of the Los Angeles coroner described in court documents. The King of Pop apparently was given a variety of drugs that included the powerful sedative propofol, according to authorities.

The news came as a shock to some. But the reality it pointed to was this: Michael Jackson was an addict.

A drug addict is a person who has become physiologically or psychologically dependent on a habit-forming substance or drug.

I operate a halfway house and we deal with this struggle regularly with our men, who have become addicts, and they continually tell me how hard it is to overcome. They also tell me that people are vulnerable to addiction whether white or black, rich or poor: Drugs don't discriminate.

I am also an entertainment lawyer who understands the pressures of working in the music industry and the experience of insomnia that Jackson apparently complained about over the years.

And, of course, like millions of others, I am a huge Jackson fan and I own all the records and CDs and had THE jacket (from the "Beat It" video). And, I can sympathize with his sad life, legal problems, personal struggles, family issues and financial meltdown.

But, while I sing his songs regularly and imitate his dance moves, when the laughter and joy stops, it hurts me to admit the reality: Michael Jackson was a drug addict who didn't need to be the center of another musical tour, but needed to be the star patient at a treatment center.

For years, we have heard reports of Michael Jackson being addicted to painkillers and other things.

However, in our society, we tend to overlook that when it's a big name celebrity or someone we love in our circle of family and friends. Celebrities drop in and out of rehabilitation centers and drug abuse facilities nationwide. And, their lives go on and it's merely a passing footnote on the TV ticker running across the bottom of the screen.

With Jackson's tragic death at the young age of 50, hopefully some folks will wake up.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that in the year prior to being surveyed in 2006, 560,000 Americans age 12 and older abused heroin at least once; more than 16 million Americans took prescription pain reliever, tranquilizer, stimulant, or sedative for nonmedical purposes; 6 million abused cocaine in any form; and 1.5 million abused crack.

In the case of Jackson, there is a lot of finger pointing at Dr. Conrad Murray and several other doctors, who may or may not be charged.

But, while we mourn the Motown legend and the tragedy of his life and death, it is important to note that this sad story sheds light on a much bigger problem in America: drug abuse.

Author Deepak Chopra, a friend of Jackson, has been telling us for weeks now on national TV outlets that Jackson had a drug problem.

"Dr. Murray is the one who is going to be blamed because he injected the drug, but from what I've learned he did not prescribe the drug," Chopra told CNN in reminding investigators to look deeper and further than Dr. Murray.

Like Chopra, I hope investigators will go deeper, but I hope we will go deeper as a society.

Jackson sold hundreds of millions of records, including the top selling album of all time, "Thriller." With his death, we can reach and teach billions of the dangers of drug use. Unfortunately, he joins a long list of major artists who have seen superstar careers end by the mortal reality that drug addiction can kill you.

It hurts us to talk about Jackson's drug addiction or drug problems, as it hurts us to look at a near-century of great artists struggling with drug issues and in some cases dying at the hands of drugs -- from jazz legend Billie Holiday's drug problem to Marilyn Monroe's overdose to singer Dorothy Dandridge's death from anti-depressants.

Elvis Presley's death brought to public light his prescription drug addiction. And, we saw in recent years Kurt Cobain's heroin-induced suicide death, and the 2004 death of Rick James, who wrote "Superfreak," from a drug-related heart attack.

Too often these stories don't prompt substantial national outrage and we fail to break the stereotypical picture of what we think of when we hear the words "drug addict."

Police and prosecutors are still mum on whether Jackson's death will result in criminal charges. It is not clear who is at fault. But no one is disputing that Jackson asked for these drugs repeatedly over the years, like most drug addicts, and had a sickness that afflicts millions of other Americans.

So, let the legal system play out, but let's stop avoiding what hurts the most, so we can save millions of other drug addicts from this horrible nightmare and other families from the pain the Jackson family will now live with forever.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of James L. Walker, Jr.

Monday, August 31, 2009

A Question of Self-Worth - Michael Jackson


I'm very sad to think Michael Jackson could not have ever been free enough to be himself.

Michael, age 18

This is a great risk any person takes when it comes to celebrity. It would be easy to become trapped in a public role, or expectation in being a public figure, where you are not treated as anything more than a commodity. I feel this is what the value system of the Jackson family is all about; it's "normal". It's important to pay attention to what people DO, not what they say! The Jackson family has always been about "doing it" for the money. Michael never really knew or understood how to get around it. He was pressured all of his life to
be it.

Michael, age 49

He was searching for himself in things... (Including seeing women and children as "things" to be objectified. If he really cared, he would have tried harder to be healthy and keep living... But he was noted to be dismissive of kids once they became a certain age; and of women, if they needed him to act like a man.)

Michael was into quick-fixes like purchases, surgeries, and altering his facial features and skin as a way to act-out against his father. His preoccupation with kids was derived from having his own sexuality being stifled by his mother's religious beliefs.

Was he a victim? Yes, I think so.

He was trapped in a
role... Therefore, he was a master of what he was able to do on stage, but the moment he got off stage, he was infantile. He was able to get away with that, and no one ever dared called him on it, or they would be cut-off.

He was in charge of his art form, but he was not in control of himself. And I think this is the crux of what lead to his "dangerous" existence:
sadly, he was more "dangerous" to himself than anyone else.

I'm also very sad because I think Michael could have gotten some help. He was a smart guy, ingenious in many ways... But given the constraints of his beliefs and his values, he got away with all kinds things by just paying people off. So it was inevitable he became surrounded by the wrong kinds of people. He stopped paying attention... When people do not share your values and beliefs, they can trick you into a relationship you might not want. Michael was just used to buying people, you know?

Let me just repeat, it was inevitable he became surrounded by the wrong kinds of people. I think he knew what was happening, intuitively. He tells his story in the lyrics to his songs and videos. He just didn't know how to help himself. He wasn't able to trust anyone. He did not even trust himself.

During the most stressful times of his life, when he should have been held accountable for his actions, he turned to doctors. I've seen this happen to many people who were not in control of their lives; they either turned to recreational drug and alcohol abuse (as Michael did, allegedly), or surrender all their power over to pain meds and doctors.

Doctors are trained to coach their patients into accepting that they are the ones in control.

Stir a drug dependency into the mix, and it's very easy for a patient to lose his or her willpower.

I think Michael began to feel powerless in his relationships with people. He was able to control them with his money and prestige, but only up to a point. In fact, kids would get bored with him. So I believe his next course of action was to take his personal fixations with his looks and surgery and turn it all into a sort of hypochondria and illness.

Michael never knew what it was to be loved unconditionally. I have mentioned this earlier in my blog here; but I want to be specific in pointing out how, being sick is a way to put gravity into a situation, and get love and affection. Even if you have to pay a doctor for that attention.

Michael never had it in himself to uphold his own self-worth. Like everything else, he saw himself as a thing... A human doing, not a human-being.


Did Hyochondria Get the Worst of Michael Jackson?

It's no secret Michael Jackson was ill. I just wonder if hypochondria got the worst of him? I believe he gave his doctors WAY too much power-over his life.

Today I perused the web just to track down some records of what was speculated about his condition, starting with the list of medications he was using:

Jackson: Death ruled a Homicide.

By Lorena Blas, USA TODAY
August 31, 2009
Fans and family marked Michael Jackson's 51st birthday Saturday as the inquiry into the singer's death officially became a homicide investigation.

On Friday, the Los Angeles County coroner's office announced that Jackson's death June 25 was a homicide. The specific cause of death was "acute propofol intoxication."

The Associated Press had reported last Monday that the death was a homicide.
The coroner's report, parts of which were released Friday, said other sedatives contributed to the death, including lorazepam, sold under the brand name Ativan. Other drugs detected in the singer's body were midazolam, diazepam, lidocaine and ephedrine. The coroner's office said the full report was not released at the request of the Los Angeles Police Department, which is still investigating the case.


Virtually bald, face a mass of plastic surgery scars; bridge to nose had vanished and right side caved in. Several ribs broken, four injection sites aimed at the heart; stomach only filled with partially-dissolved pills; severely emaciated.
Recent skin cancer surgery, unexplained bruising on knees and shins; bruises and mild cuts to his back, and injection marks over much of the body.


Hollywood Grind
Michael Jackson May be Seriously Ill Again Posted on February 12, 2009 at 11:19 am(PST)

There have been a lot of rumors floating around for years that Michael Jackson is seriously ill, and it’s not hard to believe since he is always look frail with his surgical masks, and frequent visits to the doctor. In the photo above Michael was visiting another doctor, who probably gave him surgical mask and hair net to leave with.

Concern has been raised by the look of Michael’s hands. They look really scary. Like some fake Halloween hand, but it’s his real hand.

Now we are hearing rumors that Michael has a very serious Staphylococcus aureus bacterial infection, often referred to as "staph." Human skin has staph on it all the time, but a cut can get infected with staph if not cared for properly, and an immuno compromised person is more likely to get such an infection. Staph can also infect the lungs with Staph pneumonia, but rumors say Michael may have a skin infection, and not a standard Staph infection, but rather a sometimes deadly MRSA infection. MRSA stands for methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus.
We are hearing Michael is getting powerful antibiotics intravenously, which would mean it’s very serious.

Get well soon Michael, if you’re really sick.

IF you're really sick? What happened to this guy...? From what I can tell, the intensive bleaching of his skin was what may have compromised Michael's immune system. And who knows when that began? More on this below...

Report: Michael Jackson Suffering From Potentially Fatal Health Issues Sunday, December 21, 2008 |

Michael Jackson is reportedly in desperate need of an emergency transplant operation to save his life from a rare lung condition, according to the author of a new biography of the singer.

Best-selling author Ian Halperin has completed a book about Jackson’s life, which claims that the pop icon, 50, suffers from Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency, a potentially fatal genetic illness, as well as emphysema and gastrointestinal bleeding.

“He’s had it for years, but it’s gotten worse,” Halperin told In Touch magazine.

“He needs a lung transplant but may be too weak to go through with it … [But] it’s the [gastrointestinal] bleeding that is the most problematic part. It could kill him.”
Halperin also claims that the “Thriller” and “Bad” singer can barely speak and is 95-percent blind in his left eye.

Earlier this year, Jackson was photographed in a wheelchair. A few weeks ago, he was spotted receiving help walking, while wearing a Zorro style mask.

Jackson’s rep was not available for comment.


It is evident Michael's immune system was compromised. If he was indeed going blind in his left eye, this might have been a signal of a heart condition (the left eye being above his heart, and being affected by blocked bloodflow from the heart). The left side of his body might have begun the process of shutting down as evidently early as last December, 2008. Essentially, with the sorts of drugs being prescribed for Michael, his nervous system was being systematically shut down. As I may have mentioned earlier in this blog, he could have ended up completely brain-dead and in a coma.


Jacko's Nanny in Hiding
Wednesday, November 19, 2008

By Roger Friedman

Michael Jackson isn’t the only one from his camp trying to avoid testifying in England.

His kids’ nanny, Grace Rwamba, has skipped the US to tour India, friends in Los Angeles say. Grace, to paraphrase John Cusack, is gone.

And I as I reported first here yesterday, Jackson refuses to come to England because he’s claiming sickness. In fact, Jackson has told his lawyer to tell the British court that he has a skin disease that’s preventing him from traveling.

But of course Jackson has always said he has the skin disease Vitiligo, causing him to lose melanin from his pigmentation. He’s always said that’s the reason he’s turned white over the years. It was, however, revealed here a couple of years ago that Jackson uses a whitening cream made with acids and created by the Mickey Fine Pharmacy in Beverly Hills. That came out when he failed to pay his bill there.
Jackson’s "skin disease" hasn’t stopped him in the past two years from traveling all over the middle East, to Japan, to Las Vegas, and Ireland. The notion that Jackson is too sick to travel is absolutely laughable at this point.


I have a hard time believing this is vitiligo... It is absolutely absurd, and what's even more odd is how Michael seemed to be the only person in his family affected by this condition. If the skin bleaching creams contained acid, and if indeed he was using these skin creams several times a day for several years - just imagine what those acids were doing to his internal organs!

From his photo you can see how Michael's fingers were NOT bleached, lending to a dead-like look in his hands. Walking around with a stomach full of pills, and no real nutritional sustenance in his body left it an open catalyst for a staph infection. Numerous surgeries to his nose may have created lent to a breathing or lung disorder and further disease.

When I first started reading up on Michael's condition last March, I found reports where surgeries were being done earlier this year to graft skin from his ear onto his nose...


Well - as an added interest - I found this to be an ironic and funny header - - even Jackson's lawyer becomes sick! Interesting to see how this conundrum of illnesses hit big-time, all during the second child molestation trial in 2005.

Now Jackson Lawyer Sick

March 24, 2005 - 11:08AM

Brian Oxman, one of Michael Jackson's lawyers, is wheeled from the courtroom on a stretcher.

One of US pop singer Michael Jackson's lawyers was in hospital today after being taken ill in court in California at the singer's child sex trial.

Lawyer Brian Oxman became ill just after today's hearing, during which the court was shown pornographic magazines seized from Jackson's home, came to an end.

The lawyer had to be helped from the courtroom before being carried on a stretcher to a waiting ambulance.

The drama came just two days after Oxman's famous client starred in his own courtroom medical emergency when he turned up looking pained and accompanied by a doctor in hospital scrubs.

Jackson's publicist said later he was suffering "excruciating" back pain after a fall less than two weeks ago and was under medical treatment.

Earlier the judge denied a bid by prosecutors to show jurors evidence - including teen porn - seized from Neverland Valley Ranch.

Prosecutors said the four hard drives from the 14 computers police seized from a November 2003 raid on Jackson's estate showed the pop star was a practised web surfer who looked at teen-themed porn sites as well as sites related to Walt Disney, toys and photographs of adoptable children.

Jackson's accuser, now 15, has told jurors in the trial that the 46-year-old pop star showed him and his brother pornographic Websites during their first visit to Neverland.

Santa Barbara County Deputy District Attorney Gordon Auchincloss called the computer evidence "powerful corroboration" of that testimony by Jackson's accuser.

"This is important evidence that this defendant views teen erotic materials in his bedroom," Auchincloss said.

But in a setback for prosecutors, Santa Barbara County Superior Court Judge Rodney Melville said he would not let the material be introduced at trial.

Defence lawyers had argued that much of the material was not from February and March of 2003, the period during which Jackson is accused of sexually molesting the then-13-year-old boy and plying him with alcohol.

They also said the pornographic material in question was heterosexual, featuring girls or women, and that much of it had been automatically cached by the computers, meaning it was not clear that Jackson had retrieved it or seen it.

"The court will grant the defense motion not to allow," the material, Melville said. "It does appear to be cached material.

There's no way of knowing if anyone looked at it or not."

Prosecutors unsuccessfully argued that evidence linked Jackson to the computers, including recovered aliases for instant messaging services - BigMike and King777Tut - that they suggested the pop star had used online.


Friday, August 28, 2009

There are No Ghosts at Neverland

Michael Jackson wax doll, Madame Tussauds, Hollywood 8/2009

There are No Ghosts at Neverland

I saw the bit from the Larry King show posted on youtube... I thought it was really in poor taste. But a lot of people are gettng a kick outta it - an additional scene of an ugly "dead" looking MJ pops up in the last bit of footage? and shrieks like a banshee... Horrible.

It may be cameras captured some phenomena at Neverland, but I don't feel Michael had any intention of hanging around here. If anything, he would want to be born again as a child. It is very difficult (and not recommended) to entertain the paranormal, especially without first looking deeply into a person.

The problem is, with the kinds of drug use and addiction Michael had, such activity rips holes in the aura (energy field) of a person. (See my Jesus Heart Blog for more information on this.) It is possible to see this with a lot of people who are on drugs or are heavy users of alcohol. It looks as if some part of their body is graying - like a shadow. That shadow can go on to reverberate in a distant place, stuck in time and space.

With Michael Jackson there was an energy block happening between his eyes, above his nose, and at the back of his head; he was going brain-dead. There was something going on around his heart and his back, too. (I could see this in photos that were taken after the second lawsuit in 2003 - the pictures of Michael standing on top of his limo, with sunglasses, and long straight hair. He just looked lifeless. The expression in his face looked like no one was "home".)

Michael Jackson, 5/2009
(note the prayer beads around his neck)
So what happens with drug use is, bits of the soul are scattered about, even blown-out by force.

Native American Indians have ceremonies for people with scattered souls, which are called "soul retrievals". For instance, if someone is raped or attacked, the experience can push the soul out of the body, so a soul retrieval ceremony is done.

Psychotherapy is a modern form of soul retrieval.

There was a part of Michael that NEVER left Neverland (the guilt part). You see, of course, he was never gonna admit that, but he had to live with it. Emotions like guilt and shame can fragment the soul. It only seems supernatural in discussion, because we cannot see it - but we can sense it and feel it happening in ourselves and others. We can learn to deal with it more successfully by being compassionate and caring. In fact, the soul is very child-like. It's not limited to time, but it only has the understanding of about a 4 or 5 year old.

This is why prayer is useful... Prayer helps the soul to understand and stay connected with our Higher Power. The soul, the Higher Power and the body are conjunctively what animate spirit, keep us breathing and alive.

It's not a ghost, it's an energy there, that is just hanging around, waiting for resolution. By now, with his death and with all the prayers that have gone out for Michael Jackson, it may even be gone.

Actually, the idea of a "ghost" is rather superstitious. A ghost does not have three-dimensional substance or free will! A ghost is more of an energy-imprint which is stuck in ramification... Bouncing around repetitively in a place where the energy is being held or blocked.

There may be parts of Michael's energy hanging around his kids, but I doubt it. I think there have been enough prayers that have gone out for him.

Soon he'll be buried.

People should not try to hold his spirit down by looking for his "ghost". Instead, it would be in a kinder gesture to pray for Michael and direct him to the Light.

I think those closest to him know that and want it, and pray for his peace. That's what really matters!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

My Michael Jackson Laugh for the Day!

Ha ha hee!
I needed a good laugh today! More comments below...


Michael Jackson Doc Conrad Murray Never Got Paid Prior to Singer's Death

Doctor at Jackson's Deathbed, Who's Likely to Be Indicted, Didn't Have Deal on Singer's Care

Aug. 25, 2009

Conrad Murray, the doctor at the center of the Michael Jackson death investigation, claims he never received any payment during the time he served as the singer's personal physician, according to a source familiar with the arrangement.

Dr. Conrad Murray admits giving the singer several drugs before he died.

Murray, who dispensed a cocktail of potent sedatives, including the anesthetic propofol, to Jackson early the morning of the day he died, was hand-selected by Jackson to serve as his doctor and was to accompany the singer to London for a series of scheduled concerts.

Though Murray and concert promoter AEG were in talks over his salary, negotiations were not completed prior to Jackson's death on June 25, said a spokesman for the company.

"Conrad Murray was Michael Jackson's personal physician for three years," said the AEG spokesman. "Michael Jackson requested Murray be put on as part of the show. Murray, however, had yet to be hired. Discussions were along the way for a completed contract. Murray had signed the contract, however, neither Michael Jackson nor AEG had signed the contract."

"Murray was never hired and never paid by AEG," he said.

Jackson had a reputation for not paying his sometimes extravagant debts. He had on several occasions been sued for failure to pay people the money he owed them or for reneging on contracts.

In 2008, he settled with a Bahraini prince for $7 million after breaching a signed contract to produce a record.

Analyses of Jackson's finances show the singer was in debt and cash poor.

Meanwhile, law enforcement officials said today they expect to soon make public Jackson's complete autopsy and toxicology reports.

Details of Jackson's death outlined in a unsealed search warrant make it seem almost certain that Murray, will be charged in the pop icon's death, according to a noted defense attorney who has been following the case.

"I have no doubt he's going to be indicted," attorney Roy Black told "Good Morning America" today.
Black pointed to the two months of intense investigation -- the search warrants, the interviews, the raids in two states -- as evidence investigators will look to Murray as causing Jackson's June 25 death from a drug overdose.

"Just the amount of work tells us that," Black said.

Documents released Monday show that Murray administered a continuous cocktail of sedatives the morning Jackson died in an effort to put the singer to sleep. It was the propofol, a powerful anesthetic typically used in operating rooms, that caused him to stop breathing, according to the report.


I'm a little surprised at the casual attitudes I see posted around the internet regarding Michael Jackson as an "addict". It almost seems as if the word "addict" is the equivalent of "garbage".

Michael's addiction was recently compared to that of Anna Nicole Smith; is addiction that simple? In my mind, each person is a unique individual with a personal destiny and a set of experiences which are going to define or challenge their fate. (In the spiritual community, we refer to that as "The Journey".) I am sad Michael Jackson's journey was so toxic and twisted; certainly one of isolation and irony in the public eye.

Personally, I am fascinated by him. I always liked him up until the point where he began to lose touch with reality, around the age of 30. By that time he was SO changed, from the sweet little guy many of us grew up with. He left us all feeling like, "what the f---?" Now 20 years later I tend to believe his every action was a form of rebellion against his parents. And that sucks. (Why give your parents so much power and authority over your life when you can get counseling?)

I've written twice to the White House and given President Obama my thoughts on addiction, psychological therapy and the health care system. It seems Michael Jackson did all he had to do - in many ways he was the epitome of all which goes on here in America. And that includes stuff like not being able to pay your doctor! ; - )

It's entertaining to think a doctor can be a sycophant... Just as much of a butt-kisser as a Joe-Schmoe fan! It totally cracks me up! The one detail Dr. Conrad Murray overlooked was his payment!!! Or was it just one detail? You too can be ignorant and have a doctorate! hee hee hee! What a screwed-up situation! He's lucky Michael Jackson didn't end up completely brain-dead and in a coma. And wouldn't that have been a real hell?

I hope the LAPD tracks down the other doctors involved in the history of Michael Jackson's "care". And let the world learn from it!

I also hope for those of you reading this: encourage the addicts in your life to reach out for therapy. Who knows? There may be some virtue in that person, there, which could redeem them. He or she might be worthy of a better life. Michael Jackson could have had that... So can you.

Michael Jackson Death Viewed as Homicide

The pertinent issue with Michael Jackson's death is, why was a drug like propofol being made available to him outside a hospital setting? Is Dr. Conrad Murray licensed to practice in the United States? Did he understand the U.S. has rules and regulations - I.E. LAWS, in regard to the use of propofol outside a clinical setting? - O.M.


Michael Jackson Death Viewed as Homicide

Michael Jackson Death Viewed as Homicide

By Greg Flakus Houston
25 August 2009
The death of pop-singer Michael Jackson has become the focus of a murder investigation, although no charges have been filed against the main suspect, the entertainer's personal physician, Houston-based Dr. Conrad Murray. Investigators say Dr. Murray administered a lethal combination of drugs to Jackson in an attempt to overcome the performer's chronic insomnia.

A search warrant affidavit unsealed in Houston shows the mix of sedatives in Michael Jackson's body at the time of his death was a lethal dose. According to a Los Angeles coroner's investigation, none of the drugs alone would have caused death in the amounts administered, but the combination did.

Since these drugs were administered to the 50-year-old pop singer by his physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, he could be charged with involuntary manslaughter. The Los Angeles Coroner's office has not issued an official report yet, and the document containing the information about the investigation was released by error Monday in Houston.

Although he has not commented on the report, Dr. Murray has professed his innocence since he first came under suspicion. In a message posted on YouTube last week, he told friends not to worry about him.

"I have done all I could do," he said. "I told the truth and I have faith the truth will prevail."

Agents of the federal Drug Enforcement Administration raided Dr. Murray's Houston clinic and storage facility last month looking for evidence, but no charges have been filed against him.

His Houston attorney, Ed Chertoff, says some of the information in the search warrant affidavit is misleading. While he says much of the information is factual, he called other parts "police theory."

Anesthesiologists say most of the drugs and doses Dr. Murray administered to Michael Jackson over the several hour period leading up to his death were not dangerous alone, but may have been in combination. Jackson was suffering from insomnia and was begging the doctor to give him something to make him sleep.

Among the drugs Dr. Murray gave the pop star were Valium and Ativan and Versed. But Jackson remained awake and pleaded for a dose of what he called his "milk", a drug called propofol, which is often used in hospitals to induce unconsciousness.

Experts say the propofol dose reportedly given by the doctor would be considered very low, but they say it may have been too much on top of the mix of other drugs already in his system. Anesthesiologists say it is unusual to use this drug to treat insomnia.

According to the report, Dr. Murray said he had been treating Jackson with propofol on a nightly basis for some time and then stopped out of fear that the pop star was becoming addicted. He then started using the other drugs to wean Jackson off propofol and they worked well for at least two nights.

In the hours before Jackson died, Dr. Murray says he administered five separate doses of sedatives over a six-hour period and finally gave Jackson the small dose of propofol, which succeeded in putting him to sleep.

He says he monitored his patient closely for 10 minutes and all was normal when he left to go to the bathroom. When he returned he found that Jackson was no longer breathing. He says he tried unsuccessfully to revive him before paramedics arrived and took Jackson to UCLA Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead on the morning of June 25.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Prince of Pop, King of Pop

In the 1980's? "Pop" artist Andy Warhol was dubbed
The Prince of Pop

To experiment with make-up, wigs and cross-dressing
was considered not only an art-form in progress,
it was "kinky".
"I love Los Angeles. I love Hollywood. They're so beautiful.
Everything's plastic, but I love plastic. I want to be plastic." - Andy Warhol


Then Came
The King of Pop...

A work of "art" in progress?
"I never had my cheekbones done, never had my eyes done,
never had my lips done... But, I'm never pleased with anything.
I try not to look in the mirror." - Michael Jackson, 1993

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Michael Jackson: There's Anger in Dangerous

A review of Michael Jackson's Dangerous, the Short Films, 1993
by Orandon Marie

Illustration by Mark Rydon

At first watch, this DVD is a little confusing. Packed with more of Jackson's shameless self-promotion, it made me wonder why that was needed? Because in this set of songs, Jackson is talking about being a victim, and showing victims of prejudice. Now I think Jackson took so much crap from the public and media during his career, he had to learn how to promote his own work and efforts to overcome it and continue to be the success he was, and is. (His own campaigning reminds me a little of President Obama's campaign efforts, if the truth be known.)

The flip-side of this DVD is that it shows how the videos were made, some behind the scenes fun. Some of this is self-promotion again; some of it is MJ giving you a glimpse into his world.

I was a little thrown-off by the carnivalesque imagery with Dangerous; however there is some great symbolism here, much of it corresponding to ancient Egypt... Interested?

There is a hand of stone (from the taped-up fingers we can see it belongs to MJ, however, the fingers of mummies in Egypt were taped in the same manner). The hand is paralyzed, and holding a young girl in it's palm. This represents the inner child as female, paralyzed; she is holding the skull of a crocodile. The Egyptian Crocodile God represents death.

She is standing at the gates of death and rebirth, where you see the un-evolved animal spirit entering the tunnel of the astral planes, and coming out the other side, reborn.

I had to sit with the images on the album cover for awhile before I could appreciate the imagery in the DVD. In the DVD you will see some bits that seem to be much like Alice Through the Looking Glass, only this time it's Michael Jackson chasing after the Red Queen, singing, "Why You Wanna Trip On Me?"

The Eye of Horus, rich and green, appears occasionally inside a pyramid; the Eye of Horus was used for protection and as a symbol of medicine in ancient Egyptian times.

Some of the imagery is also corresponding to the innate wisdom of being young. One has to keep in mind that even at an early age, Michael Jackson was world-traveled and someone who witnessed a lot of what was going on with our planet and us, as human beings.

Black or White opens the set. At the beginning it shows, perhaps, rebellion is a healthy way to get free of some things that keep us down... Even inviting us to look at the rebellious spirit of children, in order to understand our own pain and hopelessness (thus the dark dancing sequence of Michael's at the end). Why was this video so controversial for the media? Reporters were concerned about it's sexual and angry impact on young children.

Are we a little higher in our intelligence than animals? That might be a question to ask when watching the morphing sequences of human faces. At the end of the video, MJ states "prejudice is ignorance". What is the difference between stupidity (like a kooky Simpson's cartoon) and ignorance?

Stupidity does not have access to information and tools - like music, languages, the arts. Stupidity is like living in the dark because one doesn't know how to use a light-switch. Ignorance refuses to gain access to those tools; in it's stubbornness and need to be "right", ignorance becomes a form of prejudice. I think MJ is also asking, how much of our ignorance is projected on us by the media?

Super-Bowl Heal the World - I thought these pieces were very emotional, colorful and powerful, especially with the participation of the children (many who are in their 30's by now). Love it!

Remember the Time - just a fun song and dance number with Egyptian themes and fantasy, like a magical dream or reminiscing about the possibilities of past lives.

Will You Be There - another very powerful performance, with more footage from the Super Bowl gathering. A prayerful song for the spirit of the child, Jackson is saying many go to war and act-out with righteousness because they were wounded as children. He would be one to know!

In The Closet - erotic and frustrating; MJ comes across a sort of dancing Pinocchio when it comes to actualizing his desires in real life. Better to have a super-model do that for him?

Gone Too Soon - with an intro and montages featuring a young boy talking about discrimination, someone who died from AIDS, this one is dedicated to sick and orphaned children, and children with AIDS.

Jam - Jam is basically saying life is very confusing, like a game; we've got to learn how to take advantage of every day of our lives, because life is short. Featuring artists of the time - Kris-Kross and Heavy D, I love the beat with the jingling bells, interspersed with more kids dancing, playing and jumping rope (as if it is the children that keep life going here).

Heal The World - seeing this performed live brings tears to my eyes. It was important to Jackson to make videos, he said, because these would outlast the actual concert performances, leaving images behind which would stay with people's minds. Once you see this video, you will want to learn the song and sing it to a few people you care about (and even some you dislike).

Give In To Me - interesting rock performance piece. Jackson was multi-talented, and did some scat-singing in this video which reminded me a lot of George Benson's approach to rockin'. Give In To Me, and not to the ignorance out there; give in to the testimony of my life and what I have lived through, and learn from it. Let my life be a tool, a source of information that will help and prevent others from living in stupidity, and by their hard experiences.

Michael Jackson... His inner "world" is in turmoil, turned upside-down.
Sets are interspersed in here with a video montage of Jackson sitting at the piano, playing and singing to himself "I'll Be There", with footage of himself from childhood, harmonizing. Just lovely!

Who Is It - another romantic piece about loss and betrayal; slick filming; seems more personal and autobiographical.

Dangerous & Why You Wanna Trip On Me? - The energy of the two pieces as they blend into to one another seem to say, instead of looking for what's good and what's right, why do we tend to look for trouble?

Our natural curiosity as children are lost in hopelessness and cynicism. That's the real danger, is it not?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Michael Jackson: Buried Alive

The world has much to learn
from the life and the death of Michael Jackson..

I feel he was officially buried alive by Martin Bashir in 2003 (via a karmic agreement between the two). Both men went into these series of televised interviews knowingly, and both were dancing around each other trying to get at the truth. The interviews continue to be controversial because Bashir reached a point where he felt he had to become confrontational with Jackson, believing he was not getting the truth. Certainly, he was getting mixed messages from Jackson (in the same way the public was). But the end result of the interviews were that Michael became defensive and felt victimized by not being accepted at face-value. And it was how these interviews played out in public that buried Michael Jackson (and his career) alive.

Michael, like the rest of his family, was a shameless self-promoter and went to great lengths to present a certain kind of image of himself to the public. Unfortunately, over the last 20 years, Michael was also dealing with severe drug problems, which deterred his abilities to differentiate between public relations, the truth, and reality.

Michael Jackson did all he had come here to do.

He was done with this earth plane. His spiritual legacy is to teach those of us who loved him how to understand the deep oppression of what shaming and blaming does to our lives and the lives of others. Perhaps in the time of our President, Barack Obama, we will learn how to get beyond such patterns of personal blame and shame through the audacity of HOPE? That's my prayer.

Perhaps it was hope that kept Michael Jackson going for as long as he did - but he didn't find it, necessarily, in other people, and especially not in adults.

He was black, he was gifted,
he was abused and molested as a child; he was gay.

No one ever helped him to deal with this shadow, which took over his life.

Online reports say his father managed him by brutally kicking his son right where it counted - in his testicles. For this reason, some reports online are stating Michael was sterile and couldn't have kids. Michael was emasculated and oppressed by such actions by his father from an early age; he was groomed to lie to the public, especially about his sexuality. When asked as a young man by a reporter if he was gay, Michael requested that all recording machines be turned off. His answer was that he didn't want anything to go on record, that he didn't wish to say he wasn't gay, because he knew he had many gay fans. (I believe this was reported in a televised interview with Smokey Robinson.)

He was groomed to believe he was entitled to have riches, to spend money however he wanted. He began groping himself in public in his videos around the age of 27, with the BAD album. When kids came to Neverland, they wanted to dress like him and dance like him. He taught them how to Moondance, but might have also goofed around with kids and taught them it was "okay" to feel and touch themselves the way he did in videos. And who knows what went on behind closed doors? His rationale as an adult was inappropriate and questionable. For sure, Jackson's shadow-self and his acting-out against everything his father represented created repercussions in his personal life for the worst.

Certainly, if you check out the records on Michael Jackson
, the reports are out there (google "smoking gun" and "Michael Jackson" for those pages). Investigators said the two court cases were singled out of many complaints from parents who felt they could do nothing but remove their kids from Jackson's circle.

He had controversial marriages; he had babies by fertilization; he had multiple alterations done to his face and body. Some believe he began to butcher his own face out of his hatred towards his father, who he resembled from the time he was little.

Michael Jackson was not able to look at himself in a mirror during the last 10 years of his life; that's how acute the pain of his shadow had become. He was like Peter Pan in that he had no control over it, or over himself. In the interview with Bashir he said just the thought of his father was enough to make him vomit.

Michael was anorexic and had a bulemic disorder. He used drugs and lied about it; he gave alcohol to children (as per reports shown on the smoking gun pages); his every act was a cry for help! And all of this was of his own choosing, because in his adult years he refused to get the right help.

It seems, too, the public and the law holds different standards for people like him and his family, because they are money.

Perhaps the public will come to learn from his life that we all have CHOICES in how we conduct our lives and ourselves.

God Bless Him

Ignorance does terrible things to people. We live in an age where there is no excuse for it; and even in wishing for hopeful outcomes for others, it is possible to imply that still, we all live with freedom of choice. But we have to strive for it, and be proactive about not allowing the shadows and the darkness in our lives to get the best of who we are, and who we will become.