Saturday, February 26, 2011

Who Am I Without These Thoughts?

Who am I without these thoughts?

I am simply someone who believes in you;
someone who has faith in all you are
and who we are together.

It's because I'm Another You.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Filters of Negativity

I am so grateful to you for revealing to me these truths.

So many people suffer along the spiritual path. It's a process of seeking... And with that comes breakdown.

We need our egos in order to survive. We need to understand what it is we identify with... And also, how we over-do it by too much thinking.

The ego is the guardian along a murky borderline of illusions... A place where jealousy, control, neediness, isolation, tyranny, oppression and paranoia are joined together by a long string of fault-finding.

Everyone deals with this on some level. Why this process is so exaggerated among those who struggle with mental illness is something else.

The more things are busted down, the more insecure someone becomes. And the soul goes through a dark night of extended pain, and limbo... Because when paranoia happens, the soul has lost its identity. The integrity of person's spirit and body has been crushed.

Actions and emotions like jealousy, control, neediness, isolation, anger, tyranny, oppression and paranoia are simply filters of negativity in the beginning. Something to pay attention to, and honor. It's not possible to change what is not acknowledged.

Such emotions are always signals to you, the one who is living the reality, to back down, regroup and recollect your self.

How Do I React When I Believe These Thoughts?

How do I react when I believe these thoughts?

I'm suspicious, and I hate it. I'm watching your body language, mostly. Words are ruthless and futile. I'm looking to see what's goin' on in your eyes. I'm looking into you.

People say they hate it, when I stare into them, stare them down... Some have told me, men especially, are shy. They don't like to be stared-down.

I don't believe any of it. I mean, men and women can be equally shy. So what?

I believe the eyes are the mirrors to the soul. I wanna look into your soul. I wanna SEE you, connecting your words and actions. And if that's not happening? I wanna know WHY. I want you to see me, too!

I know you've asked me to trust you... But it's not been in my nature to trust anyone, do you understand? Because I've been oppressed. Tyrannized; made to feel paranoid. Why should you or anyone be the exception? Especially when you're telling me I shouldn't think of you as my lover? (And you are not asking, you're telling me.) You're saying I shouldn't get excited about making "love" or call it "love"? If I believe that, then my reaction to that belief is, I think it's bullshit.

I did ask you to teach me what it was you needed, didn't I.

I understand that now; but hey! People react to things - like need. It's the reason why they can't mind their own business. I know that now.
I know we can get more free, by questioning some of the things we believe.

What's ironic is, now there's a reverse kind of sexism going on in the world. I've heard about this. About, women getting out of the military, and how put-off they feel by getting involved with "civilians" - men especially. These women from the military told me all about it; how "civilian" men think things like sex and love are synonymous, when, these women are just wanting to get laid. It's easier to go to a bar, I was told. At least, people who are getting drunk in a bar know love has nothing to do with it. So if you go to a bar, it's possible to pick someone up and go home and have crazy animal sex without any consequences like "love".


How do I react when I believe these thoughts?! I cry out to God for help!!

I cry. Because it feels like this sort of thinking attempts to kill something inside of me.

I cry out to you.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Values of Civil War, America 1861-1865

Historians say the American Civil War is a testament to the liberation of the human spirit for all time.

The initial freedom of Black slaves in America was set in the Emancipation Proclamation by President Abraham Lincoln in 1863. Two more years of horrendous killing with destruction to the traditions of slave-owning southern states enabled Blacks to escape north. There, they could also enlist as soldiers and fight for the freedom of their families. The values of the American Constitution are what eventually required a Civil War... Slavery in America was officially outlawed in the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments of the Constitution. It would yet take another century for Blacks to regain ground for which so many had given their lives during the Civil War.

Civil War is not over - - until we have all done our parts to insure our freedom from bigotry, sexism and racism. Our task is to understand our Constitutional Rights and make sure our efforts to create justice is not a joke.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Can I Absolutely Know It's True?

You can be a Beast, with fangs. For the most part, I like it. Do I really believe this is true? Do I absolutely know it's true? No. Because I've looked into your heart and sense there's not enough love in the world to go around for you... And that's a good thing. (It's the common pain we share.)

I like the idea of us, coming to one another hopeless. It frees us up of the tripping... Even if it feels frightening. We've talked thousand times for a thousand lifetimes... We should know we're safe with with each other!! It's the fault-finding, the paranoia that are poisons to truth-seekers. We have what it takes to work it out!

Life is unconditional love. Evolution comes in giving ourselves permission to close-down the "gates", open our hearts.
Sure, it's god-damned painful! At a core level, there's something twisted with those who need to use others as a technique of personal growth.

How Do You Know It Was Meat Loaf?

How Do You Know It Was Meat Loaf?

How do you know it was meat loaf?
If these children were living in squalor
in a bus - not even a trailer -
with a "person" (not female)
who could not be their mother...?

The police and social workers
had every right
to look into the neglect;
the report was abuse -
but what would be next -
for two small girls
who complained for their food?
Their ribs and existence

showing thin cracks of hope -
they should have been thankful???

But how do you KNOW

it was meat loaf?

Is It True?

My mother is a bear...

No, it's not true; my mother is not a bear. She's a human being who continues to be deeply wounded, because she was abused as a child. Like many men and women I know... But with people, there is always a certain amount of denial. And with that, projection of abuse. So in my mind, it becomes a bearish, animalistic thing I don't always understand.

As a child, you learn to extend your energy beyond your body in order to "read" and predict the energy of another (also known as empathy). Not a good thing. It can make for a continuous identity crisis if you are never taught or encouraged to individuate... If no one has ever told you it's ok to love yourself, or shown you that all the real love you need comes from within.

There is a certain amount of paranoia that comes with being empathic. Many people live with it, not knowing this is the reason some are calling the New Millennium "The Age of Anxiety". Something we have inherited from the Baby-Boomers and bearish people who have been taught that life is "disposable", a throw-away.

Is it true, that my mother is a bear? No. It's not true, but I am also beyond caring because it has taken over 45 years for me to figure out the truth, and who I would be without this belief.

Denial on de Nile



Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Revivals of Religion and Revivals in the Slave-Trade Go Hand in Hand Together - Frederick Douglass

"I love the pure, peaceable, and impartial Christianity of Christ: I therefore hate the corrupt, slave-holding, women-whipping, cradle-plundering, partial and hypocritical Christianity of the land. Indeed, I can see no reason, but the most deceitful one, for calling the religion of this land Christianity. I look upon it as the climax of all misnomers, the boldest of all frauds, and the grossest of all libels. Never was there a clearer case of 'stealing the livery of the court of heaven to serve the devil in.' I am filled with unutterable loathing when I contemplate the religious pomp and show, together with the horrible inconsistencies, which every where surround me. We have men-stealers for ministers, women-whippers for missionaries, and cradle-plunderers for church members. The man who wields the blood-clotted cowskin during the week fills the pulpit on Sunday, and claims to be a minister of the meek and lowly Jesus. . . . The slave auctioneer’s bell and the church-going bell chime in with each other, and the bitter cries of the heart-broken slave are drowned in the religious shouts of his pious master. Revivals of religion and revivals in the slave-trade go hand in hand together. The slave prison and the church stand near each other. The clanking of fetters and the rattling of chains in the prison, and the pious psalm and solemn prayer in the church, may be heard at the same time. The dealers in the bodies and souls of men erect their stand in the presence of the pulpit, and they mutually help each other. The dealer gives his blood-stained gold to support the pulpit, and the pulpit, in return, covers his infernal business with the garb of Christianity. Here we have religion and robbery the allies of each other—devils dressed in angels’ robes, and hell presenting the semblance of paradise."
— Frederick Douglass
(Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass)

Revivals of Religion
and Revivals in the Slave-Trade
Go Hand in Hand

- Frederick Douglass, 1818-1895

"The Soul That Is Within Me No Man Can Degrade." — Frederick Douglass

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."
— Frederick Douglass

"Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work."
— Frederick Douglass


"Slaves sing most when they are most unhappy. The songs of the slave represent the sorrows of his heart; and he is relieved by them, only as an aching heart is relieved by its tears."
— Frederick Douglass
(The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave)

"The white man's happiness cannot be purchased by the black man's misery."
— Frederick Douglass

Frederick Douglass, 1818-1895

"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence."
— Frederick Douglass

"We deem it a settled point that the destiny of the colored man is bound up with that of the white people of this country... We are here, and here we are likely to be. To imagine that we shall ever be eradicated is absurd and ridiculous. We can be remodified, changed, assimilated, but never extinguished. We repeat, therefore, that we are here; and that this is our country; and the question for the philosophers and statesmen of the land ought to be, What principles should dictate the policy of the action toward us? We shall neither die out, nor be driven out; but shall go with this people, either as a testimony against them, or as an evidence in their favor throughout their generations."
— Frederick Douglass

"The American people have this to learn: that where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob, and degrade them, neither person nor property is safe."
— Frederick Douglass

Monday, February 14, 2011

It's Always Been a Soul Thing

It's Always Been a Soul Thing

I'm really happy
to be wearin' your ring;
hope you clearly get it -
with me, it's always been
a soul thing.
Each time we meet
it's a love/sex reunion;
no need for separation,
it's a spiritual communion.

There's never been anything like
loving you, and our sexual space -
but if it makes you feel better -

I'll just think of you as a "Special Case".

Love and sex are synonymous -
with me it's loving, not no fling.
Be a Man
and understand
it's always been a soul thing.
There's never been anything like
loving you, and our sexual space -
but if it makes you feel better -

I'll just think of you as a "Special Case".

The Curse

The Curse

Once Upon a Time...
Young girls were told
all they have to do is fall asleep,
waiting in bait
for the handsome prince to come,
to wake us from
some unknown mysterious curse.

We weren't told
Waking Up is never easy...
No Prince can provide that service.

No Prince can resolve an evolution
in this fine-tuned creation called "me".

The Me Puppet

The Me Puppet

"I need you to sit where I can see you. I need you to tell me what you're thinking. I need you to tell me the truth. To never leave me. To trust me. To believe me. To be on time. To keep your promises. To smile. To hold my hand in public. To be more outgoing. To listen to me. To be available. To help me. To marry me.

To stay with me. To sleep with me. To give me your money. To nurture me. To agree with me. To see that you're wrong. To know when I want to be alone. To know what I need without having to be told. To be less sensitive. To be more sensitive. To stop being friendly to people I don't like. To be nicer to my friends. To change the music. To love me."
- Byron Katie
I Need Your Love - Is That True?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Personalities Don't Love, They Want Something - by Byron Katie

Personalities don't love, they want something. "If you love me, you'll do what I want" - Is It True? In any case, if you do your best to figure out all the rules and obey them, do you get my love? No. You get to tip-toe around me, so that you can minimize my anger and continue the relationship. Love seems to have disappeared. Where did it go? You can find out by questioning the thought "If you love me, you'll do what I want."

This is a thought most people have believed for as long as they can remember. The child expects his playmate to play the games he wants to play. If not, there's a big fight, and they both stomp off to find an adult to complain to. "He's not my friend anymore!" The belief that a friend is someone who will do what you want is already fully active in the child. He learned it from his parents, who told him they loved him and rewarded him with praise when he obeyed them, and punished him when he didn't. His parents never questioned the thought that obedience is an expression of love, so why should he?
- Byron Katie "I Need Your Love - Is That True?"